Signs of the Apocralypse
Portent of the coming apocalypse numero uno:
The 1986
(for those who don’t know Apocralypse is a Terry Pratchett thing, I didn’t just misspell the word as would usually be the case)
The Chronicles of Aaron Employed
Portent of the coming apocalypse numero uno:
The 1986
(for those who don’t know Apocralypse is a Terry Pratchett thing, I didn’t just misspell the word as would usually be the case)
So who really wrote the best TV of the past decade? Was it Sorkin’s West Wing (obviously not his new series…), Chris Carter’s X-Files (or at least while Duchovny was there), or Joss Whedon’s oeuvre (Buffy, Angel, Firefly) or some other yet unheralded quasi-genius?
It certainly wasn’t the people responsible for scripting American Idol or Survivor.
Anyone else ready for the reality TV wave to come crashing ashore and leave it’s wreckage of washed up starlets and over-the-hill pop princesses lying on the beaches of our cultural conscious?
I am.
If the pictures on
She was nearly vibrating with joy, then tears, then joy.
It was memorable.
Thanks Chuck.
From: Employee #2
Subject: RE: the yeti is doing morse code
January 15, 2007 Press Release:
First reported by Slavomir Racowiz in his epic and semi-fictional “The Long Walk”, the cryptozoological wonder of the Yeti remains a mere mystery to most westerners. The cloak of mystery surrounding the yeti is soon to be rent asunder. Despite the difficult and improbable nature of translating a language spoken by a creature with no substantiated evidence of its existence; the makers of OUR PRODUCT wish to announce the release of Yeti: Levels 1 and 2. Working with an onsite expert housed in a climate controlled environment the language experts have worked tirelessly to provide the Nepalese business traveler with every one of his Yeti wishes.
Yeti: Level 1 and 2 should allow said traveler to utter such timeless phrases as:
“Where is
“I seem to have misplaced Everest”
“Frostbite, I have frostbite you hairy ape!”
“I apologize for burning you with my canteen”
“Thank you, I do not want to bear your love child.”
And the always useful:
“Stop beating me to death with my own arm”
Coming soon from OUR PRODUCT:
Look for further cryptolinguistic masterpieces such as:
Bigfoot
El Chupacabra
And for the sailing crowd, Mermaid Level 1 & 2 with the language of love supplement.
From: Employee #1
Subject: RE: the yeti is doing morse code
Excellent. I have heard that Klingon has actually gotten more requests than a number of living, real languages that people don’t just speak at conventions about the explosion of Kronos and how their empire fell because of mis-managed energy and squandered resources, but used to communicate basic needs of any human being, such as “Learn how to use your turn signal, !@#$” or “I well give you half a penny-weight and a farthing of dubloons for the fore-shores of the eastern half of the mosquito coast of Thompson’s isle, in exchange for you allegiance to the ever-perfunctory serendipity of Queen Georgette of Haggis-mead on Jimminy-shale.” It’s much more important to know how to pronounce “Kahp-taan KhhhhaaaaaahhhhRkkkkk!”
From: Employee #2
Subject: RE: the yeti is doing morse code
There should be a level devoted completely to curses, that would be AWESOME.
From: Employee #1
Subject: New neighbors?
They could combine it with the “Grizzled bachelor” and end up with acts 42 lines long. E.G.:
Where is the hardware store?
You don’t see many hardware stores nowadays, ever since…(42 lines)…and Randy Schladweiler never was the same again.
From: Employee #1
Subject: New neighbors?
From: Employee #1
Subject: Killer bees!
From: Employee #2
Subject: RE: Killer bees!
Plague #1
From: Employee #1
Subject: RE: Killer bees!
From: Employee #2
Subject: RE: Killer bees!
From: Employee #1
Subject: RE: Killer bees!
From: Employee #2
Subject: RE: Killer bees!
Plague #9: The Plague
From: Employee #1
Subject: RE: Killer bees!
From: Employee #2
Subject: RE: Killer bees!
From: Employee #2
Subject: RE: Killer bees!
From: Employee #1
Subject: RE: Killer bees!
Consider the following about the noises downstairs:
-Bad 80s music blasting, including “Life in the Fast Lane”
-A strange plumbing/hardware van parked out back
-Occasional roars
-Pounding noises which could be a basketball on the floor
-Clumps of hair in the drains
Conclusion: OUR COMPANY has captured Teen-Wolf and is making him do construction
Accidental concentration is one of the leading causes of productivity.
I may have been half asleep this morning, but I’m pretty sure I heard some Republican speaking about how great it was that their next presidential (heavens forefend) convention will be in Minneapolis / St. Paul, home of this, home of that, home of the “infamous” Mall of America.
Wait, did she really say that? Was it in jest? No, I don’t think so.
It didn’t sound like a tongue in cheek reference (as I would have meant it) but rather a Three Amigos-esque faux pas. How very amusing!